Category: Mr. Stock Smarty Pants
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants, known throughout the stock picture industry as the eccentric genius who has allegedly been instrumental in the rise (and perhaps fall) of several major stock picture libraries, appears every other Monday on About The Image. Although MSSP is constantly moving around the globe due to his (again, alleged) ties to both the international intelligence community and organized crime, if you have a question about anything concerning the stock photo business, e-mail it to mssp@abouttheimage.com and, so long as Mr. Stock Smarty Pants manages to avoid incarceration, we’ll make every effort to get your question to him for a response in an upcoming edition of About The Image. Oh, and MSSP wants to take this opportunity to categorically deny any affiliation whatsoever with Stock Answers™ LLC.
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants, what sort of stock photography should I be producing?
I’d be the first to admit that melancholy, sentimentality and jingoistic patriotism are emotions that Mr. Stock Smarty Pants rarely indulges in. However, the inauguration of Barrack Obama in Washington, D.C. a few weeks actually did get MSSP all choked up, mainly because he realized that he had missed out on a terrific opportunity to flog his patented “I Saw The Barrack Star!” T-shirts to a throng of several million potential customers scattered in and around the city many locals like to think of as Murder USA. Damn: another blown opportunity! So, in an act of unselfish generosity, as he wallows in the throes of self-loathing over the pile of cash he failed to rake in from the tchotchke-seekers, MSSP has selected this e-mail from an almost equally forlorn photographer who, like Mr. Stock Smarty Pants, just wants a chance to succeed in life.
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants weighs the merits of content vs. distribution for stock photographers
Finally, it’s here: a new year…a new outlook…a new President…a new opportunity to apply to Congress for a bailout! Yes, I can reveal to you, my loyal readers and confidantes, that Mr. Stock Smarty Pants invested considerable time and energy over the holidays figuring out just the right angle to use in applying for his own, personal “bridge loan.” And, unlike Sarah Palin’s bridge-to-nowhere, this bridge is going to carry MSSP right into a brand new condo in Aruba! And hey, why not? Why are a bunch of overpaid idiots who have run The Big Three right into the ground more deserving of millions of dollars from the public trough than a fellow like me who has unselfishly devoted his life to helping photographers around the world figure out how to cash in on their photos? OK, OK…maybe I haven’t devoted my whole life to that endeavor…maybe it’s been more like a half hour every few weeks…still, I think it’s my constitutionally-granted right to get my own little stimulus package (though I must admit that I normally prefer to get my stimulus from my buddy Hugh Hefner’s overflow). But, as always, I have a back-up plan: if the bailout scheme falls through, I just might embark on a whole new career…politics! Can you say: SENATOR Stock Smarty Pants of Illinois? Well, enough about me, and on to your trivial little problems…
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants discusses stock photography in the winter season
As the song says: Baaay-beeee, it’s c-o-l-d outside.
However, I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that’s it’s a cozy 75 degrees inside Mr. Stock Smarty Pants’ Aspen retreat, with a roaring fire blazing just a few feet away while I recline in my La-Z-Boy and sort through the latest pleas for help from readers of About The Image. I’m tempted to knock back my third toddy of the evening but realize that I need to keep at least a somewhat clear head in order to provide the thoroughly professional level of expertise that’s required for this sort of work. Plus, I really detest getting on the ski lift in the morning and then flying down a double-diamond run with a throbbing head, so let’s just get right to it, shall we?
Editorials
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants weighs in on stock licensing in a troubled economy
I feel your pain… Well, actually I don’t…after all, Mr. Stock Smarty Pants happens to be writing his latest words of wisdom while reclining under a dazzling sun and gently bobbing up and down on the deck of a sailboat anchored off Barbados. However, I’m trying my best to employ the technique known amongst us professional writers as “empathizing with your audience.”
What does MSSP hear over and over again these days? Wailings of doom and gloom, punctuated by exclamations that the sky is falling. BORING. E-mails filled with complaints about the state of the world economy. SO WHAT’S NEW? Phone calls (yes, every once in a while some lucky individual happens to stumble upon Mr. Stock Smarty Pants’ satellite phone number) in which people go on and on and on about the dire financial straits they’ve found themselves in. DIRE STRAITS…GREAT BAND, LOUSY CONVERSATION TOPIC. Letters (amazingly in this day and age, some people still like to spend money on postage stamps) detailing the many ways in which the stock picture industry is headed right into the dumpster. HEARD IT ONCE, HEARD IT A HUNDRED TIMES.
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants goes to Hollywood
I know what you’re feeling: the pain…the frustration…the sheer and total disappointment. No, I’m not referring to seeing Brett Favre in a uniform other than that of the Green Bay Packers (though lord knows that’s pretty bad, too). No, I refer, of course, to the distress many of us felt when it became obvious that Mr. Stock Smarty Pants would not be chosen as either party’s candidate for Vice President a few weeks ago. This, despite his many positive qualities that would be an asset to either ticket. You want smarts? Obviously, he’s got ‘em since that’s part of his name. Experience? Does a hefty number of divorces, jail terms and class-action suits count for something in this world? You bet it does! The ability to communicate with the electorate and mesmerize the unwashed masses in a manner that Barack Obama can only dream of?
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants tells what to do with all your travel and landscape imagery
You’ve undoubtedly been wandering around for weeks now, muttering to yourself: I wonder how the heck Mr. Stock Smarty Pants has been weathering this nasty economic downturn that I’ve heard so much about? Your concern is greatly appreciated, and MSSP wants to assure all of his loyal readers that he’s doing just fine, thank you. Oh, sure, the recession has caused him to tighten his belt just a bit: he’s had to temporarily discontinue stocking his cabinet with single-malt Scotches and switch to Dewar’s, and instead of three weeks on the Riviera in August, he’s prudently decided to cut back to just fourteen days on the French coast. But, MSSP remains generally optimistic about the state of the economy, and why shouldn’t he? He was wise enough to unload his Getty Images stock near its high of ninety five bucks a share back in the fall of 2005 instead of the puny $34 each sucker…uh, shareholder received when the company’s sale to Hellman & Friedman closed a few days ago! Hey, they don’t call him Mr. Stock SMARTY Pants for nuthin’!
Features
To micro-stock or not to micro-stock? That is the question for Mr. Stock Smarty Pants
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants has been a busy boy of late, meeting with hedgefund managers, investment bankers and assorted Mafiosi (and, if you really think about it, they’re all pretty similar) in hopes of siphoning off at least a small portion of the $2.4 billion that Hellman & Friedman is apparently coughing up to acquire stock industry behemoth Getty Images. Nonetheless, despite his very full schedule of clandestine meetings and drafting of threatening letters, MSSP found time to sort through his voluminous e-mail and select one lucky inquiry for his attention:
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants answers questions about copyright and publicity rights
Dear Mr. Stock Smarty Pants: I have read several of your responses to readers questions. They are both illuminating and informative. Tried searching a number of keywords on your site “musician”, “rock and roll”, “concert” etc.. Could not find any reference to those topics. I have a couple of quick questions. My company has acquired hundreds if not thousands of very good photos of bands and rock stars performing live. These photos were taken over several years. The photographer has since died. Both he and his wife were killed in a car accident in which their two children survived. We are trying to find a way to monetize the collection by selling copies or approaching an agency so proceeds can go to the kids who are living with family members.
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants answers questions about fair royalties
Dear Mr. Stock Smarty Pants: I have been reading your columns in About The Image and think they’re great. I’m a photography student who is hoping to graduate soon and get into the stock photo business. My problem is this: I have never signed a contract with a stock agency and I don’t know what sort of arrangement would be fair regarding royalties on sales of my pictures. Is this something that varies a lot? Do I have to be careful? Can you brake down what sorts of splits are typical in the business today?
Sincerely yours,
Christopher in Atlanta
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants tackles pro-sports photography
Dear Mr. Stock Smarty Pants:
Hey, I was watching the NFL playoff games and started wondering what the market is like for pictures from professional sporting events. I sometimes take my camera along to Dodger games and get some pretty good shots with my telephoto lenses. Think I could sell some of them? Also, what do photographers do to stay warm in places like New England and Green Bay? It looks awful.
Sincerely yours,
Al in Los Angeles
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants offers new year’s resolutions for stock photographers
Dear Mr. Stock Smarty Pants:
It being the New Year and all, I was wondering if there are any resolutions that you think a stock photographer should make. Also, it would be helpful if you have any hints on how to stick to those resolutions, because I’m really not very good at that (last year I resolved to lose 30 pounds but only managed to get rid of five, and that was for just two weeks).
Sincerely,
Rick
Buffalo NY
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants sends a pre-holiday missive
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants normally reserves this time of year exclusively for lounging in the hot tub and consuming fine brandy by the snifter while awaiting his next excursion out onto the slopes here at St. Moritz. However, I was caught in an unguarded moment (not to mention a compromising position) several months ago by the editors of About the Image, and thus I’m obligated to answer one of the many annoying pleas for enlightenment they have forwarded to me. So, let us consider this tale of ignorance from a chap named Ron who resides somewhere in the bleakness of Oklahoma:
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants speaks about Google Images
First of all, Mr. Stock Smarty Pants (or, as I’m sometime known, MSSP) wants to acknowledge the editors and management of About The Image (ATI) for their obvious brilliance and eminent good taste in bringing me on board. It’s not as if I need a job, but I thought this might be good for a few laughs and the boys who run ATI seem pretty desperate for some high-quality content. And to you, the readers of About The Image, I just want to say that the vast treasure trove of opinions and information about the stock industry which resides in my brain is now at your disposal, or at least until such time as ATI bounces one of their checks to me. Send me your questions…and don’t worry, NO question is too difficult for me to answer.
Features
Mr. Stock Smarty Pants offering free advice for stock photographers
Send us your questions - You know abouttheimage as a classy, above-the-board, shining example of contemporary journalism. All that is about to change. Commencing next week, and at no small expense, abouttheimage will feature a bi-weekly question-and answer column featuring the wit, wisdom and occasional political diatribes of that international man of mystery from the stock picture industry, Mr. Stock Smarty Pants. Some of you may have already heard of this shadowy figure…others not.
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